I’ve not posted enough. So here are some updates because I know that my ten devoted readers will be most distressed without my invaluable input.
I’ve been doing a lot of dogsitting. It’s a great mental health boost. Aside from anything else, you have to go outside (my depression has – thank whoever – never been so bad that I would be willing to let a dog shit (i) on my floor, or (ii) be sad).
Coronavirus. I was dealing ok with this panic – I basically self-isolate anyway – but having spoken to my doctor parents I became MORE worried. This is almost unheard of – normally their fact-based input soothes my hypochondria, but in this case my conclusion was that I was too calm. I am not in a high-risk group, but have loved ones who are. Fuck! My main concession (other than counting during handwashing) is a resolution to drink less so that if I have a headache, I know it’s a symptom of a virus not just my own bad choices.
I went to do a Big Shop at Asda this week. Empty shelves and empty tables, where loo roll was stocked no more. Also empty were the soap shelves (annoying as I actually need soap) and, oddly, cornflakes (but other cereals aplenty). Odd, the choices people make.
I was pondering board game balancing the other day – mechanisms included in games to make sure that once one player gets ahead, it doesn’t just snowball to inevitable victory.
My mental health has balancing mechanisms.
I will go through days, maybe a week if it’s really bad, of barely leaving the house, cancelling all appointments, staying in bed except to let food in or out of my body.
Once I’m out of it, I will venture outside. Once I’ve been outside enough, with its fresh air and minor exercise, I may arrange to see friends. If I am seeing friends, I will have to shower. I may feel better enough to stay at My Lovely Partner’s place rather than remaining ensconced in my flat.
This sounds like snowballing, a lack of balancing, a rush towards having all the hotels on all the dark blues and greens.
Not to worry – as soon as I feel well enough to stay at MLP’s, I do so, and I forget my pills, and down we go. No matter how many I leave there when I’m up and organised, they always run out. And whether it is an actual impact of missing my medication, or a nocebo effect, or even just beating myself up for my own incompetence, it’s a reliable stomp on the brain.
So yes – my brain has balancing mechanisms to keep itself level. The level is just slightly too low for my liking, which makes the game less than fun to play.
Speaking of board games and coronavirus, my brother bought me Pandemic for my birthday. I love it, but we only got a chance to play a couple of games before it started feeling a bit too on the nose.
Today – TODAY – I started actively listening to Lizzo. Erm, I don’t know if you guys have heard of her but she is pretty great. HOW have I just got round to this? Other than the fact I rarely listen to music and am very set in my ways… the problem with being set in your ways is that Simon and Garfunkel never came out with “Why men great ’til they gotta be great?”.
I had a weekend of theatre – Good at the South London Theatre (which I may spew out some short thoughts on in future) and Ride at the Vault Festival which I will publish my post on tomorrow.
This glut of theatre is not like me, but I like it. In fact it can’t be like me, because I like it.
(On liking oneself, this is a great little pick me up as long as you don’t think about the words.)
Anyway – the run of theatre may have to be curtailed. Partly because I keep posting what are essentially theatre reviews (i) with absolutely no right to do so and (ii) which acts as an excuse to not think of other things to write, and partly because once the epidemic hits it’s probably not a great idea to spend a lot of time in large crowds in confined spaces. Back to the duvet fort it is.
Now be gone!